28 February 2012

Embracing What IS: The Void

by Stephanie F. Earls


I've been facing a void with this blog: six months uninspired. Not unwilling. Not un-wanting. Just uninspired.  I've asked myself whether I've been too busy with other projects, or if I have nothing to say.  I've wondered whether it's a case of writer's block or worse, if I've fallen into a chronic case of who cares (a.k.a. nothing really matters).

It might be none of these or all of these on any given day but I've realized what it all comes down to is that I love to write and I miss it.  And when you miss something enough, you look for it, even if you fear that all you'll find is a void.

So with longing overriding fear, I face the void and see how much I miss the feeling of words coming together and making sense, unifying my thoughts.  I miss nice, neat, manageable pieces which I can write and edit and tuck away as "finished", or maybe read again someday when life feels messy.

Composer Stephen Sondheim once said something I heard and loved:  "Art is about making order out of chaos." That is exactly what I love about writing, and yoga, and sitting down to dinner with my kids and folding clean clothes. With a little practice, almost anything we call "life" (which can sometimes feel like chaos!) can become art: our minds, bodies, relationships. Depending on our perspective this can feel creative, inspiring, exciting.  Or, it can feel stifling, weighted, confusing.  Either way we all long to express ourselves, to organize, to energize around a focal point, to make art.  If we find things that allow us to make order out of chaos, there is nothing more frustrating than having that outlet turned off.

Studying my void, it's clear, this practice is as good as any. In yoga, in life, we can't get there without being here.  If we want to reach our goal, we have to start where we are. If we long to be somewhere else and forget about right now, we miss the cues our life is giving us about being ourselves....whether it's exploring a yoga pose, starting a career, healing our body, repairing a relationship or, posting a blog entry. We gingerly find a balance between aspiring toward a goal and setting that aspiration free so that we can be here now, open to the information available in the moment which shows us ourselves clearly.

No one wins yoga or life or art. There's no "end," no "getting there." It's just about being where we are, who we are, listening, gathering information about our experience, even if it's a void. At a desk or folding clothes or hugging a loved one or missing a loved one...painting a picture or washing floors or driving a truck...if we are here now, we can go anywhere. Here we get the roadmap from ourselves and learn to trust ourselves. Here, we find our "way" by simply being where we are.

So for today, and I say this to encourage myself as much as you: even if it's not all nice and neat, even if our art seems a little more like chaos, even if we miss a note, even if we fall trying to balance, even if we get a cramp when we run, even if our maple syrup boils down to maple sugar, even if we say thank you when we should say sorry, even if we write and it's messy and awkward...let it be.  At least it is true and real. At most, it IS. And when we face what IS and say "I'm here," magic happens. Because once something IS, we can work with it. IS we can tweak. IS we can learn from.  IS is real and true whether it's messy or mad or uncertain or unbelievable.  And because it IS, from here, with a little practice, our void or our chaos can become our art.