19 June 2015

our old wounds

by Stephanie F. Earls


i notice in my own small, individual experience of healing my wounds (emotional, physical, mental, spiritual) that when i feel safe enough to open up and allow my vulnerability to preside, i feel simultaneously empowered and fragile. 

in my vulnerability there is a peace and solace that brings clarity. paradoxically it is also when my fears, anxieties and old wounds come roaring. we've seen this all too often on a collective scale when into our beautiful, vulnerable moments (marathons, churches, creative institutions, schools, parks, playgrounds, sidewalks) our old wounds (hatred, anger, anxiety, addiction, fear) roar. 

in my internal experience two things happen. in reaction to the roars of my personal wounds i feel edged to close myself off and run away. sometimes i wonder if it's easier to leave things as they are. but knowing better and when i feel brave, in response, i interpret the eruption of fears and old wounds as a plea from deep within my being...for me to see them (that part of myself) and acknowledge them: their(my) hurt, their (my)fragmentation, their (my)pain. 

my fragmented pieces are as much a part of me as my more whole-feeling parts. 

our societal wounds are as much a part of our human being as our celebration.

in empowered 
moments when i respond instead of react, there is a sense, however slight, of healing my wounds and fragments. there is a sense of disarming the tender, angry, scared, anxious, broken-feeling parts of myself.  it can be a grueling process that happens push-pull style within my heart and head and soul. by the grace of love in my life i am supported by strong, brave souls with-in (me) and around (all of you) who are willing to step up and love me and see me through the fragments so that i can continue to evolve. 


our human body is heartbreakingly wiggling through it's (our) own evolution in this tug-o-war between opening our hearts and running to hide (or scream or cry or say what the hell??) as our collective fears and hurts roar. we need to be our culture's strong, brave souls, willing to see ourselves through the healing as our collective human body/mind/spirit heals.  

the collective wounds we carry sometimes quell, but when they roar it is tragedy in (the organism of) our present society. it is scary, sad, maddening. in our fear, in reaction, we think it's a choice between "this" (some might say light) or "that" (some might say dark) but in truth our fragmented parts (hatred, hurt, fear, anger) will keep showing themselves -personified- so we can not deny their presence, so we can respond until they are seen and healed, loved, disarmed. and in our looking and seeing, talking and asking, listening and hearing, admitting and acknowledging, dare i say embracing, we give ourselves and our whole self (human body) the chance, however small, to mend. we move in our evolution so we can be truly whole. 

so in all our vulnerable moments as these old wounds come to the surface and roar let's stop. i'm saying this as much to myself in a singular way as i am to our whole self in our multiplicity. let's be better and more kind in our dialogue and actions, both internally and in our collective consciousness. let's stop. as uncomfortable as it might make us, let's turn toward and look into the hurt of old wounds,  in all the ways they make themselves known, and bring them our love. 

it's tough. but not tougher than us. we have to keep the faith that between the light of clear boundaries and open hearts our fears will soften and dissipate. with our continued care and attention and willingness we can evolve into a more whole, healed being (individual and collective).  we must, for the sake of our whole human body, for the sake of our gorgeous earth, for the sake of everyone who is willing to make themselves vulnerable as they run a race or pray in peace or study in a classroom or walk in a park...be willing to look at the wounds of our culture, open to them, and shine our light.