30 October 2010

Trust

by Stephanie F. Earls

In the face of death, whatever form it takes (a relationship, your spirit, your inspiration, an illness, a career...) we begin to question. It is as if everything in our lives hits a brick wall, gets thrown up in the air, turned upside down, shuffled and we are forced to look at it all, bring it back in and figure out how it all fits.

It's been 13 days since my grandmother died. I stood by her side and watched one of the most miraculous things I have ever been witness to, her transcendence from one state of being to another, something so huge, so divine and so unexplainable I can hardly imagine that I actually witnessed it. And at the same time, I know I did, it's in my veins, it's in my breath, it's in my being. I have been changed. In letting me witness her "death", my grandmother opened me in a way I could not have imagined.

I realized how she chose her space, her place, her time. I see how she waited until each of her loved ones was exactly where they needed to be in relation to her.

Though I could not see her form with my eyes after she let go of the body, I have a knowledge of it in feeling which is unmistakable yet which I find hard to articulate and having turned to written word all my life, it has been so strange to feel blank over the last couple of weeks.

I am left with one word which it comes down to: trust.

I have opened this blog everyday hoping to share something and each day leaving it blank. Finally today I have just decided to say some of what's floating around and it comes down to these thoughts:

You live and you die. If you can breathe, you're alive, so be alive, trust. Sometimes we walk in our bodies dead. Now that I have seen a spirit vacate a body, I know dead,  and I know I'm not. And if you are reading this, neither are you. So, be alive...YOU ARE! And I am not just saying you are alive. I am saying you ARE. Just like those we love who have "died". They are. Their form is changed but they are. Trust.

The night I came home from sitting with my grandmother when she died I had a flashing memory of her rose bushes, which grew next to her house.  I remembered her explaining to me what thorns were and how they hurt if you are not present when you hold a stem, but how just a little awareness will keep you safe, just like the rose has grown it's own protection too. Each beautiful and pure and perfect thing has its protection built in. Trust.

As I remembered her roses it was late in the evening and very dark and my daughter was afraid to take our pup out on her own. I offered to go with her to gather wood to start a fire and also bring our trash up to the curb. These small tasks put me in my backyard (an unlikely place for me lately) going by my neglected and overgrown garden.

On this cold October night, a week after our first frost and with colored leaves sprinkled on the lawn,  I noticed a flash of hot pink and looked twice...and found two roses blooming on my rose bush, which had not bloomed all summer and then on this night had two bright, fresh buds. Decide for yourself, to me it's no accident. Just another reminder that there is more going on to take care of us than we realize. Trust.

So as I have been questioning my life in the face of death I began to see how my grandmother did all the things yoga teaches. She was present, she was aware, she took action, she trusted. She just did.

With her totally gone from her physical form and yet totally alive in her spirit, in my heart, I have looked at her life and see how she just was what she was. She did not talk or theorize about it, there was no fanfare, no championing. She simply walked her walk, everyday, and in the end everyone could see clearly her legacy of love, her legacy of practicality. There was no mystical secret to who she was or how she functioned, but she was complete and beautiful magic. Just like these impossibly blooming roses on a cold October night.

And finally, in the midst of my questioning my path, my mom brought home, from the shuffle of Bumma's personal belongings, four squares of paper. On them in her handwriting were four yoga postures and their benefits. As she wrote them: Tree pose, Spine Twist, Cat Stretch and Ragdoll. I did not know Bumma even knew what was yoga was. But as if the the gifts she's left were not enough, I have four squares of paper staring at me saying, keep going.

Trust.

17 October 2010

My Grandmother

by Stephanie F. Earls

I stepped out for a walk this morning and saw the most beautiful and expansive angel wing of a cloud across the sky. It looked like the path to heaven.  Maybe my grandmother saw it too.

She was born on a 17 and died on a 17. She lived and died strong and with grace. With her final breaths, her eyes opened and a tear rolled down her cheek.  Her loved ones held her and let her know it was ok and that she's loved. My whole life I called her Bumma.

You always had a way of bringing people together on Sundays Bumma, how fitting that we came together today to see you off and feel your blessings.  Thank you for being my grandmother. Thank you for teaching me love. I love you.  love, steph

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

by Stephanie F. Earls

Something on another note, and a little shorter in honor of short attention spans ;).

My daughter asked me the other night what my favorite movie is. I have a short list, but without hesitation I told her, Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium.

She laughed and said, "no mom,... grown up movie"...and I thought for a second and answered again,
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium.

It's the best: a little about how to live, a little about how to die. A lot about spirit. A lot about faith. A lot about the magic and perfection we are: finding it (though we always have it), losing it (but we really can't lose it), finding people who'll see it in us and remind us, and sharing it. About being brave enough to keep asking your questions, open hearted enough to hear the answers.  A lot about love. And fun.

It'll warm you and inspire you, perfect for a fall day or night.  :)

"Your life is an occasion, rise to it." (Mr. Magorium)

16 October 2010

the day you died and were born

by Stephanie F. Earls


Today my mom's mom is dying. She's been dying a slow death, set in by Alzheimer's but now her insides burst and her body will not likely hold up.  She started to slip away before our eyes years ago and one day I realized how much I missed her, though she stood before me.


But under the mess and fog of it all you could still see a sparkle in her eye if you caught her at the right moment.  I saw that today while she lay in the middle of living and dying and it reminded me of the current we each have, even while we think we are in the fog, or the dark even.  With a little surrender (or a good friend to remind you), you can connect.   Ask me on my darkest day and I'll probably cry and tell you (or tell myself) it's all for nothing. But when I surrender to the grace that is all around, I know better, I feel it.  I even saw it in my grandmother today.


Her name is Frances. My parents gave me her name for my middle name, something I'd once been embarrassed about. And today as she winked at me in the midst of a far stranger limbo than I have ever known I felt so proud that I share something as special as a name with her.  I hope somewhere in my life I will share the sparkle in her eye, too.


When I was much younger I went to visit her one weekend while in the middle of some big changes in my life. She greeted me and took me on the side, just us.  Looking into my eyes she held my hands. She looked deep into my eyes and asked if I was happy. It was all she cared about, that I was happy. She'd have given me her happiness if she could. Perhaps today I looked into her eyes for the last time, not sure what I would see. She has been partly gone so long. And like a gift from her sweetest and deepest truth, as I smiled at her, thinking of that day and how all we want is for the ones we love to be happy,  she winked at me and shared her sparkle. 


It was her eternal. 


Surely this was one of the greatest gifts I could have ever received, and never would have dreamed of receiving. 


As I held her hands, I looked at my grandfather. Both of us with tears in our eyes. They've been together over 60 years. They are the picture of partnership. They have the thing we all look at as the dream and wonder if we'll have, and wonder whether it's even real.  As tears welled up in his eyes he just said, "she sang to me every day, she told me, 'you are my life' and she kissed me. Everyday."


And he appreciated it.


I look at my grandparents who have lived it literally for better and for worse and with all the time they've shared, it is still too much to bear to let go of the dream.


It comes in many forms: sometimes as an old married couple, sometimes as a new family, sometimes as a friend who's brave enough to throw you a light even while you're in your cave, sometimes as a prayer, a smile, a sparkle in the eye or a wink, sometimes even as walking away or shedding a tear. But we all know on some level, while we're alive we're hoping...


In the words from one of my favorite movies, The Princess Bride: "whatcha got here, that's worth livin' for?"


... "true love."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




for those we've lost, for moments or lifetimes:




the day you died and were born
by Stephanie F. Earls


this day, that day
came slowly and quietly,
and fast and loud,
a thought sneaking up on me
all at once


it was rainy and sunny
cold and warm,
stormy and still
all at once


it was there, or here
not there, not here
i'm sure and not sure,
all at once

your light became bigger and smaller
a little bit closer and a little bit farther
all at once

you were here and not here

and i wanted to get to you
and i wanted to let you go
all at once


then you winked at me
and you were there, or here
and we had the sparkle
between us
that told me
i'm in your heart
and you're in mine

i grieved and celebrated
so long ago
and just now
all at once

15 October 2010

Root and Grow: Tree Pose

by Stephanie F. Earls

Fall in New England is invariably linked to the changes in the trees. This week I sat under my favorite tree, an old elm.  The sky, rich blue was cloudless and the yellow leaves were rimmed with red. Looking up from my spot laying under the tree I saw the trunk and branches so strong and steady while the leaves though vibrant in color were audibly less lively, dry and crisper than they'd been all summer when they were supple and water soaked.

The contrast between the leaves against the sky from summer to autumn showed the changing life of the outer tree and at the same time, the trunk and branches stood as strong as always.  Its center was steady. The most superficial level has turned to leaf, to leave... but the trunk remains strong and steady, holding against the wind and rain and sun.

We can be like trees, letting our outer most self reach for growth and share, working with the outside to collect nutrients for us to grow and sharing our fruits. Nourishing us like sun might be books or friends or food. Whatever it is, we reach out and gather what we need, drawing it down into our center to nourish us, helping us set our roots a little deeper into our ground. And then with the changing seasons of our lives we inevitably feel the changes to our outer layer. We let what we have gathered transform us from the inside, and share it, then, letting go either when the time is right or the wind blows too hard, either way, letting go while being centered and rooted.

Trees are a beautiful and perfect metaphor for our bodies and our lives and keeping our center through it all. In yoga how perfect that tree is a balance posture that builds strength in our center and our foundation, a pose we can use to level and ground ourselves, while simultaneously reaching a growing. With a gentle approach we can welcome the sway of our tree, remembering that the beauty and strength of a tree is in its ability to weather change. The flexible and centered tree withstands because it has taken in strength and rooted into the earth. It is not so rigid that it bends and breaks, nor is it so flexible that it can not stand tall in the face of nature.

Practicing Tree:
If you are new to balancing postures, use the support of a wall or chair.
From mountain/tadasana, standing balanced on both feet, take a few long, slow, deep breaths. Find a point to gaze at on the floor or the wall across from you. When balancing a steady gaze and steady breath both help you find a steady stance.

Begin to shift your weight to the right foot so that the left foot becomes light even though it is still on the floor, and the right foot becomes more connected to the ground. Imagine you are growing tree roots out from the bottom of your right foot. Sometimes it is helpful to imagine that your foot has four corners and each corner is buttoned down and roots are growing, thick and rich from the bottom of your foot, into the earth.

Feel for your navel pulling in toward your spine.

As you feel balanced begin to come to the toes of the left foot and turn the left knee out, open so that the instep of your left foot can come to your ankle, lower leg or upper thigh. Take time here to find the spot on your right leg that best suits your tree today. Remember you are new today so the best you can, let go of any idea of what your tree was like yesterday or might be like next week. Just go with today.

Once you find a comfortable spot for your left foot (avoid putting the foot on the knee) imagine pressing the inner left foot and the right leg together. Pull in your navel center, imagining the navel moving toward the spine. If you are feeling balanced you can bring hands to heart center in "prayer", anjali mudra. Balance the pressure between your hands. Breathe here.

You can also raise and open your arms like branches of a tree, reaching and gathering in what you need. Breathe into your heart. Connect with a feeling of being grounded and steady in your lower body while being light and growing through your upper body. When you are grounded, you can grow.

Have fun! Play with the idea of being a tree just like you would if you were 8 years old. And if you sway, remember all strong trees sway in the wind. If you stumble and lose your balance remember this is the way you learn where you center is. Be kind to yourself.

Coming out of tree, gently let the left foot come back to the earth and shake out the right leg. As you're ready begin again on the other side.

be in love

by Stephanie F. Earls



be in love

be in love with love

it is the only 
is

it is the force that 
brings to life
anything that wants to live
or yearns for expression
and then lets it dissolve again

form and
formless

be in love
with the love that is coming
open wide 
and soak in the very throbbing pulse
of this gift

yes, it is scary to open and receive:
full receiving
is to surrender 
all of you

so surrender

leave worry and questioning 
leave worthlessness
shed the weight of judgement
they are dry skin 
off a snake

let you go.

open
and be in love
with love

let the wings of your butterfly
push through its wrap

your cocoon of safety
has finished
protecting you
and your love
has grown too big
for that space

let the brilliance of your wings
crack and shed the hold

now,...

grow
flow
give

be in love 
with love

soar

ignited
inspired
fueled
by love

let love run you
guide you
flow over, around
through you

there is no going around 
there is only going through
there is only being one with

love

so be in love 
with love
show your face
the days for hiding are done
you are safe here
for this force
knows nothing
but itself

love is now
love is present
love is the smile
that lights all

and all 
is 
one

so be in love

be in love
with love

12 October 2010

Lullaby

by Stephanie F. Earls

for my kids, but really for us all:


In the Name of Love: A Lullaby Prayer 
In the name of Love
and all that's good,
let  the light in my heart
be all it could. 
May it shine so bright
for all to see,
from truth, the best
inside of me. 

Send my love
into the world
to all who need it,
boys and girls. 
 
Let us feel
a joy so pure,
to ease our minds,
to heal and cure; 
Bringing peace
to those in need,
bringing food
for hungry to feed. 
Building trust
in every  way
for all of us
to feel safe. 

Take my love
from inside out
and free the world
from any doubt; 
Because this love
is from the One
who created us,
from which we come. 
And all the joy
of love is Ours,
when we share
Our pure heart's power. 

And now before
I sleep tonight
thank you Love,
for my heart's light. 

08 October 2010

Energy and Technology

by Stephanie F. Earls

Today I listened to a bit of a fascinating conversation on NPR's On Pointe with Tom Ashbrook about new technology and how some of the innovations that are up and coming may help cut down on waste and spark new life into our economy.

Hearing about them sparked new life in me. It was fascinating to hear about ways that science is harnessing energy.

The segment I heard featured WiTricity CEO Eric Giler.

Giler talked about his company's innovations and how they are developing ways to transfer electricity wirelessly via "strong coupling" magnetic resonance.   His company's developments can save us from waste and mess in the form of batteries and wires and cords. (Disclaimer:  I am not a scientist so my translation may be weak). Basically I understood this (and their website is great at explaining it all, so go there if you are curious! http://www.witricity.com/index.html) to mean that by matching up the resonant frequency of two energies, our technology may in the very near future come to be charged completely wirelessly just by  matching the "vibe" (my own, very non-scientific word) of say, a light bulb or cell phone, to an energy source.  He explained how we live in magnetic fields (of the Earth) and explained the concepts by having us think of the way an opera singer can shatter a glass by hitting the right vibration, or a person on a swing can make the swing move if they swing their legs at the right frequency. Giler even explained how they are working on this technology for everything from computers to electric cars and described an image of driving our cars into our garages and parking them on mats with a magnetic field that resonates with the car to charge it. These advancements work without freaking out everything around them (other people, other devices etc) because the "vibes" are matched up with each other rather than just openly radiating out all over the place. So, instead of everything getting nuked, the energy goes to the thing which is matched to pick it up/charge it/be charged.

What struck me most was how the innovators of today are looking for ways to make our technology more like us. I got excited and hopeful for our future and the idea that we could and are developing ways to exist with our technology that are more intuitive and closer to natural resources.  While Giler talked about magnetic energy it got me thinking about how between people you can feel and see magnetic energy. We are generators, power sources. It is how the power of prayer or distance healing work. It is the glue that makes good partnerships. You can sense a pairing or grouping of people whose energy come together to spark new ideas, new life and innovation. It is happening at WiTricity (and many other companies), it happens in yoga classes, it happens in classrooms, between friends, even on blogs.  The radio show addressed the technological and material side of magnetic energy and left me in awe of how it is coming closer to how we live as people. Any of us can relate to sensing someone's "vibe" or "frequency". We all do this naturally, especially children, and will gravitate toward people who resonate or "charge" us, or move away from people or things that feel out of harmony with us.  When we find something or someone that resonates with us, creativity abounds and we come to life.

Giler discussed the notion of "strong coupling"...pairing up things with like vibrations to create a new, energizing vibration. This is similar to what we do when we explore anything that feeds us. We naturally pair together with practices, hobbies, friends, careers, music (etc) that are in harmony and give us a charge.  If we can get in touch with what resonates, what charges us, we have opportunities to become boundless, to heal, to create.

In thinking about energy in these two ways, the electricity side and the human energetic side, I had the thought, what if we could use the harmonic resonance between ourselves and others to generate new energy and life in such a way that we will fuel not just our healing, happiness and existence but maybe even our technology?  If we (well, you know, the science minded) can get a car and a mat to resonate with eachother and create a charge, perhaps we can use the positive charge between ourselves and the ones we love to fuel our lives in new ways too. Talk about natural resources! Maybe "beam me up, Scotty" just became a little less sci-fi.

Or, maybe the suggestion is over the top but so was the idea of a cell phone, or the internet at one point. So if technology is on this how far off could we be from the next step, translating our energy into energy?  I'm talking empowered, alive, aware, creative people in a new world energy. If we can conceive of energy between two people fueling things then certainly it becoming actual is a possibility too.

With these new developments and new ideas we're moving toward restoring ourselves, our mainstays and our well being.  These scientists are talking about enlivening our economy with new technology. Today they enlivened me.

07 October 2010

Making Friends with the Body: Healing Dis-ease... (a bit about My Story)

by Stephanie F. Earls

I was asked recently by a student and friend who read my bio about the disease I mentioned healing. I shared with him some of my history with Crohn’s Colitis and a few related autoimmune issues.  There is so much to talk about in my path to healing but his question inspired me to share more with you about how yoga has functioned in my life to help me first cope with and then heal the physical, mental and emotional components of chronic illness.

For me there are several key components to healing. The first is realizing that you have your answer within you. The process is about coming to hear and trust your own voice or intuition. From there, commitment, a willingness to be with yourself, believing you can achieve your goal and then a bit of surrender are all helpful.

When we look at healing, we can see many layers to the path we are on. There are physical components, spiritual elements, emotional factors and surely an array of elements beyond our cognition. Yoga is a science that addresses all of our facets so we can heal on every level. 

On the physical level with Crohn’s, healing for me became about making friends with my body. 

When the body hurts, it’s like a little kid who feels ignored, crying out for attention.  Everything might be ok but the little kid really needs a hug and a reminder that you are there and they are ok. The body is the same. If we ignore it, it’ll act up saying, “hey, here I am, look at me! Look at me!”  The best thing you can do is stop, look, listen and give it a little love.  

Yoga helped me do that.

When I was sick with Crohn’s Colitis it was pain, depression and isolation.  It was hard to be social and get out of the house; everything I did revolved around knowing where bathrooms were located and trying to manage pain. Chronic stomach pains, the runs and hot flashes left me feeling irritable and uneasy. It was hard to drive, sometimes even to walk and on top of that I was taking care of young children.  Eating made me feel sick or go to the bathroom. I needed to nourish myself to get well but could not get a foothold to keep anything in my system. Even some of the medicines I tried made things worse.

Ironically feeling sick brought me into the present moment but the present moment did not feel good, so I tried to run from it.  At best I was making it through each moment rather than being in each moment.

Those days I was looking for a way to get OUT of my body. When I meditated I tried to let myself go away and find release in imagining serenity. I had a strong faith but my body made everything a living hell.  I was frustrated and confused about how I could know something in my heart (an idea of wellness) but have things be so disjointed physically and be worried mentally.

I knew this could not last for a few reasons. First, I had a sense of hope and connection to something greater that made me feel I was supposed to be alive even though my body seemed to be quitting.  Second, I had a yearning for unity, something better, within myself. Third, I had kids.

Just before I was diagnosed with Crohn’s, I started to teach myself yoga. 

Practicing yoga was one of the rare times since my dis-ease manifested that I felt like my body was getting back to being my friend.  I was learning yoga at home so on days that I was in pain or running to the bathroom, I could take care without worrying about what people thought if I kept leaving the room.  I got the message that yoga meets you where you're at so, I did what I could, when I could, for as long as I could. I gave myself permission to take it easy while I practiced. If my stomach was screaming at me while I held plank pose, I honored that and let myself come down to the floor into crocodile or cobra, or even rest back in child’s pose.

Yoga helped me to slow down and listen to my body.  If I took care,  the comfort of my belly pressed against the floor in crocodile or against my thighs in child felt stable and secure and fed a message to my mind through my physical body that translated into peace and calm.  It comforted me and  helped me face the present moment.

With yoga we are reminded to breathe into any places that feel tight or any place that calls for our attention. If you are stretching in pigeon and your hip is tight, you bring your attention and intention to that tightness and breathe into that spot. Gently, something begins to change and open.  I applied this same principle to the chronic pain of Crohn’s. If my stomach began to cramp I drew the breath to that spot, embracing the present moment rather than running from it.  Sure it was pain, but it was pain that I was willing to face.

Anytime we look ourselves, we have a chance to grow. In my case it was a chance to heal and transform from seeing my body as something adverse, to seeing it as a friend who was just trying to get my attention and talk to me. I slowed down and took the time to notice her. Was it always pretty? No, but it was the truth, something I could look at and cope with rather than running from and watching my back.

Physically yoga helps you get out of your mind and into your body and in doing that, magically helps your body get out of the way of your spirit. (More on that another day). For a Crohn’s patient, my mind sometimes worried about what would happen next because of how my body felt but I just did what yoga asked: sat in my body, and breathed. This gave my nervous system a chance to rest and let go and begin to do it's real job of healing. With commitment and surrender, change happened.  My body started to become my friend. 

Yoga asana is just one aspect of yoga philosophy, a framework with guidelines for living well that gives you tools for the body, mind and spirit.  Asana works with the physical and anything we do with the physical translates to the mental, the emotional, the spiritual, the energetic. As I made peace with the physical, the other components of myself began to fall into place.  The framework of yoga philosophy started to bloom in my whole self: my meditation practice solidified, my understanding of myself grew, my sense of compassion for myself and others, expanded. I healed.

When we set out to heal, whether it be an emotional wound or something that has manifested in our bodies,  (and those can be linked) the course can seem daunting, overwhelming and unclear. With a little courage, commitment, a bit of surrender and willingness to look at ourselves, we can see that the pain we are in is just the body’s way, perhaps on behalf of the spirit, of asking you to take care and give it a little love. And when we do, the whole universe opens up.


04 October 2010

Choose the Miracle

A miracle is a change in our perception from fear, to love.
                         - A Course in Miracles


try it....

"I relinquish all grievances, resentments and regrets, and choose the miracle."

Our Tender Truth

by Stephanie F. Earls

Last week a young man jumped off a bridge to his death. That is a fact. It has been speculated that the death was prompted when his tender truth was aired in public. Since I did not know him, I do not know the reasons, but it got me (and the world) thinking about the effects of being in the fish bowl that this world can be.

This sort of tragedy happens everyday. People's personal, tender selves are aired out as spectacle. It might be famous athletes or politicians or neighbors...people whose lives are just like everyone else's until they come under the fire of judgement and scrutiny. They might succumb to a literal death or they might suffer a living death.  And for what?   Perhaps our deaths, whatever form they take, help burn us down to ashes so we can rebuild in better truth, but the scrutiny and judgement of it all is something else.  I suspect it serves sometimes just to distract ourselves from the work we really could be doing, on ourselves.

We all die a little each day when we live in fear of what we or others will think of our most tender truth.

Whether we like it or not, there are parts of each of us that we feel are too tender to show the world. They could be emotional or physical parts. They could be linked to our thoughts or our actions.  And if we get real we can feel how hard it would be on any of us, to have some of our most tender wounds or loves or regrets or insecurities, exploited.  Even our own self judgement can be too much to bear.

But we can transform.   As our tender truths come to the surface (our own, inner surface), they are just looking for acknowledgement that they are as much a part of us as the things we have already grown courageous enough to show. Loving yourself enough to see your truth and being kind to yourself about whatever it is, and extending that kindness to others is part of the path we are on. In opening ourselves to our wounds or loves or regrets this way, we can heal them and get to the depth of the real truth of us: that we are amazing, perfect and beautiful.

This is a key component of healing: accepting yourself. Totally.

It might sometimes be hard to look at ourselves but on the path to freedom and healing, we yearn (maybe it's just me) to live in a way that we can show ourselves more completely and more freely. We are striving to become so comfortable, understanding  and forgiving of ourselves that no matter what others think or say we will not lose sight of our worth.

Sometimes it is easier to see the worth in others, to feel more compassionate, forgiving and understanding of others.  We can see their fear or their love objectively.  If so, we can use that to access our own sense of self acceptance, turning our love for others inward.

Whether we work from accepting ourselves from the inside, out, or from accepting others and turning that from the outside, in (or a combination of both!) we take on the courageous task of becoming the light we are.

Part of yoga philosophy are the yamas and niyamas or, the restraints and observances, the "dos" and "don'ts". They are guidelines, suggestions for living to help you connect to yourself and others in a way that frees you.

The yamas and niyamas are help, they are a backbone, not judgement, and bring you deeper into self study.  They function to cultivate and support mental well being, a critical step in becoming well emotionally, sprititually, physically and energetically.  They are a practice for the mind, which is imperative as we practice with the body (asana) and breath (pranayama).  Through balancing our interconnected mind, breath and body, we can transform ourselves.  This transformation, this self study, is no light task but it is of light. It takes courage, patience and ultimately love.

For this reason I appreciate that the first yama or "do" is ahimsa. Ahimsa is often translated as non-violence or non-harming. Our words are powerful so, I like to call it kindness.  This yama gets to the heart of how we approach ourselves and others: being kind, compassionate and non-harming in thought, word or deed. Sometimes it is a challenge but it is the practice. And you do not even need to go to a yoga class to do it.

It is more than yoga, it's life.

If we extend our words, actions and thoughts from a place of kindness, willing to be gentle with ourselves and not hurt ourselves for what we see, we will become kinder, more compassionate to the outside world.

We will hear news of someone's tender truth being aired and feel the pain not just of their despair, but of our own, knowing we too have loves or wounds, regrets or insecurities so tender.  We will also feel compassion for those who could not see the effects of their cause before the effect manifested.

Every move we make, every action we take, every thought we have, every word we speak, somewhere underneath it all we are the same.  We want to love and be loved. We want to be accepted, to know we matter, and to share.

We can start with ourselves. It might be tough, but not tougher than us.

We can separate out the superficial details using judgement, or we can use ahimsa, kindness, and give ourselves and others the gentleness of our understanding. And if there is no understanding yet, just admitting that we do not understand can be kindness enough to begin to free our tender truths, continue our healing and open our hearts to our love.

01 October 2010

Love

by Stephanie F. Earls

Welcome to Breathe Here Blog.

The end is in the beginning, I have heard…whether it is people we meet or places we go or books we read, if we look at the start we will understand the end even if we are not ready to see it.

If that is true, let me cut to the end here. I am a lover.  No matter how in my weak moments I may have tried to ditch love, or I wonder if it is trying to ditch me, it is the one thing that sticks with me, gives me hope, fuels me and is the only reason I can figure we exist at all anyway. It is the reason I keep getting out of bed each morning. It is the reason I practice yoga, it is the thing that I believe will light us up and bring us fully to life in this short chance we have in our bodies.

Have I lost you yet? Too lovey dovey? Well, hold your horses… I am not talking about any old love.  Not just kiss your boyfriend (or girlfriend) under a tree love, (though that is super, and a part of what I am talking about)… but big love. Huge, all encompassing, get you dirty, sometimes confusing, forgiving, love.

Think bigger…,  think universe. Think, or better yet, feel: breathing - creating - make a tree grow from the ground to the sky- keep you breathing - love.

And anything can fuel this love. For some it might be a romantic idea. For others it might be reading books that fire them up and give them purpose or focus. For others still it might be laughing with good friends, eating a fantastic meal, or even crying.  For some love is as simple as just realizing that the breath will work whether you do or not.

Love: light, truth, creative force.

Back to what I was saying: if the end is in the beginning take this as your warning that whatever I put here is going to come from love and my hope is to share with you how love functions in my life and how the breath leads us on our path so that we can learn and grow and share, from our hearts. This does not mean it's always pretty. But it is.

In the end who knows where we will go (not just in this blog, but in our being); through tears, through laughs, through scary, through beautiful. Surely we will go through the whole of everything and it'll all come back to love. 

So come with me on this ride through love, or just cut to the end and know that all it was meant to be was a huge hug, a smile and encouragement for peace of mind.

love, steph


That love is all there is, is all we know of love. ~ Emily Dickinson

Moving Forward: Circle or Straight Line?


by Stephanie F. Earls


I have been thinking a lot, and talked tonight in class about growth, moving forward and whether we go in circles or in straight lines.  My four year old marks his growth in a straight line, by how high his head is above the bathroom sink. My friend marks her growth in the straight line of a run measured in miles. 

At the same time life is full of circles, cycles and repetition: the moon, the seasons, the Earth revolving around the Sun, days of the week. 

Cognitively we might have the urge to measure success or growth as an idea of distance or height…we ask ourselves, how far have I come, where have I been, where am I now? And of course, where am I going? 

Amidst all of our asking we find ourselves coming up against what seem like the same things over and over again. On our mat we push into the same downward facing dog, the same child’s pose, the same tadasana/mountain.  And in life just like in yoga, we come up to feelings we thought we had resolved or challenges we thought we made our way through, until they reappear in a new form, asking us to look at ourselves again. Sometimes it feels like we are going around in circles.

Using yoga, we can start to witness the patterns in our lives and may see that indeed, like life, we do go in circles. But rather than going around and hitting our head against the same thing over and over again, if we look closer and with an open heart we will see and feel that as we circle around, our circle grows and when the “same” challenges or seemingly unresolved feelings come up again, we are coming to them as a new person, enriched from experience, more understanding, more curious, more open to heal and closer to our truth. In the repetition, we are being given a chance to recognize our growth and strengthen ourselves in the places that need practice. 

As we revolve, we evolve.

You are new today, you are more full and rich with experience, strength and understanding of yourself.  As you sink again into your Warrior 2 or practice your sun salutations, take a moment to connect to who you are today.  The framework of your asana may be the same, but you are not. Your circle has come around, expanded and grown. You are bringing something new to your mat and everything in your life. The best you can, let go of any idea in your head about who you were last time you practiced or who you will be tomorrow.  

As things come around, whether it be asana or emotions,  instead of being hard on yourself for “going around in circles”, thank yourself for coming around again to the challenge you face and use it as a time to recognize how you’ve grown and your newness and strengthen the parts of you that need strengthening so you can move forward, within your circle.  

This doesn’t mean it’ll necessarily be easier or comfortable right away, but as you recognize the steady constant around which you circle, you will begin to open and unfold. Each coming around will be easier, lighter, more empowering. 

As you focus on the center of your circle and let it be your anchor, your circle will begin to spiral, merging the energy of the straight line with the circle. You will bring your new self to what seems like the same old thing and breathe new life into the space you have created in your body, in your heart and in your mind. And from this focus and in your circle, your cycle, your revolution, you evolve.  You will surely see how far you have come, where you can go, how you have moved forward and most perfect of all: where you are now.