Let Your Presence Be Your Present

by Stephanie F. Earls

Dear Friends,

The sky this week has been heavenly.  I know that sounds cliche, but many of us have noticed it...a glorious sunset on Monday night, a divine solstice and eclipse on Tuesday, a full moon with magnificent halos including a rainbow hued halo with clouds that formed a divine eye above us on Tuesday night. The last few nights a continued vibrant moon, and sparkling stars in the deep and rich midnight blue. There have been cloud patterns that resemble remnants of giant shooting stars as if they were our collective wishes made and held sweetly in the winter sky. Last night, on Christmas Eve I went out to shut a light off in my car and saw a streaming, gleaming, shooting star that lit up the sky from nearly overhead all the way down to the horizon. It took its time making its way so I got a long, calm look at it as I stood in awe on this cold December night.

I know holidays are not always happy or hopeful. There are times when they are downright dark and sad. But despite where you are in your life right now, I have a feeling if you have noticed the sky at all you might have some sense, whether you celebrate a holiday or not, that this has been a holy week. We are being shined down on. Our place in space is at a point where the sky has opened this week and showed us some miraculous sights. And on the chance that you have not noticed then maybe it is the reason you've heard the talk about it on the news or are reading my accounts or heard your friend mention something about it. It has been a heavenly show that we all have a ticket to see, it has given us something to share with each other which we all have access to.

It is as if the universe is saying, it is a time to share, maybe about the sights in the sky or maybe about what is in your heart. For those who feel in the dark, lean on a friend.  You will be giving them a gift. For those feeling relief, share your light and you will receive. However you feel right now, let your presence be your present.

One of the most beautiful messages of being (adapted from the Course in Miracles) is that to give and to receive are one in truth. So if you need to lean, lean. Open, receive the love around you. Receiving someone's gift, whether it be a hug or an ear or a plate of cookies, you are giving that person your presence and letting them share with you. If you feel relief or have extra to give, remember that as you give you too, receive the gift of the one who opens their heart and hands to what you are sharing.  Just as the full moon receives the sun's light and reflects it to us, sharing is the most precious circle of all. It unites us, it unites our ability to give and to receive if we are willing, like a little full moon light in our heart.

If you are in the dark this year, I wish you peace. If you are not feeling lifted, keep the faith, the night is always darkest just before the light. To those who have seen me through my darkness, I love you. The gratitude in my heart defies words.  If you feel the light, may your joy expand and stay rich with you so that you can share and help someone through their dark. Either way remember, we've all been in both places. We are all in this together. As we share, we renew and carry each other.  We move toward wholeness. We let our presence be our present.

Wishing you the peace and love that December brings.

Love, steph

Letting Go and Opening

by Stephanie F. Earls

Overnight tonight we will experience the winter solstice, a beautiful time of year when we reach the depth of darkness and cross through into the emergence of light.  This is the beginning of longer daylight and our internal opening and unfolding.  This year the solstice coincides with a total lunar eclipse and from several things I have read and heard, this makes for a powerful combination and opportunity to let go of old patterns and renew, to continue to manifest our best selves.  It is a chance to make space.

Whether you take the astrological events into consideration or not, even with moving toward the end of the calendar year, we are all in a place where we understand on some level that certain things are coming to a close and new things are beginning.

We can use these energetic and heavenly events to help us along in letting go of anything that we feel has served us well but which is no longer encouraging our growth. Letting go is a chance to make space for new patterns, new habits, new breath so we can renew and continue to grow.

Take a moment, forget about any big issues or decisions in your life. Just come to notice your breath, anywhere you feel your breath moving in your body. And as I say in class, there is no need to change anything. No need to decide whether your breath is right or wrong. Simply notice your breath.

Now beginning to work with the breath, before you can renew, before you can take in the fresh and beneficial, you must let go of the air inside your body which you've already used. Try this: take a breath in. Exhale only half the breath. Breathe this way a few times. How does it feel?

Next, try this: begin with an exhale, let go of as much air as you can. Exhale completely. Use the power of your naval center and diaphragm to draw the belly in and help you push the air in your lungs all the way out. Empty.  Now, inhale. Inhale completely, fill your lungs all the way into your belly. Take a few rounds of breaths this way, completely letting go of the air in your body and then completely refilling. How do you feel?

By emptying completely we make room for new, fresh vital energy. We make room for growth, for health. We make space which can give us new perspective.

This concept can be practiced with the breath which alone will bring magical change into your body and life.  From the breath, you can extend the concept into your life in any way you feel will be beneficial for you.  You might have a closet full of clothes you do not wear. Let some things go,  make space.  You might make room for things that suit you now instead of how you were 8 years ago.  Or, space alone might give you perspective on what you have.

Check your thoughts. Are they holding you back or encouraging you? Does your mental "soundtrack" tell you how inadequate you are? If anything you hear in your mind weighs you down, see if you can use the breath and exhale those thoughts.  Let go, offer up old, unhelpful thoughts (to the solstice eclipse if that helps) and let that pattern of negative thought go free so that you have space in your brain for new, healthy thoughts.   Inhale the thought that you are perfect just the way you are. Turn toward growth, let your mental "soundtrack" nourish you. Carve a new pattern. Make space, and whether in actuality or in perspective, see what comes in!

Now you do not need me to walk you through too many more examples. By this time you've probably had an old habit or thought pattern or cluttered space pop into your mind and that's the perfect one (or two) to offer up as we come through this change and time of year.  We've all got something to set free so we can free ourselves. Which is not to say it's easy.  It might be a little scary, letting go of something safe and familiar. It might be tough. But not tougher than you.

Be brave.  Be patient.  Be kind to yourself.  Keep your heart open and ask yourself permission to let go of anything which has served you well but which no longer encourages your growth. Inhale through your nose, open your mouth and exhale through your mouth, completely. Try this three times, keeping your intention in mind.  Let go and open to the new strength, deep compassion and the truth of you that you are uncovering. One breath at a time.

Acceptance

by Stephanie F. Earls

Recently on my way to teach class I was totally pissed. Excuse the lack of eloquence but there is just no beating around the bush on this one. I'm a person, I'm human and sometimes I just get totally pissed! So, that day I was and I had 15 minutes during my ride to recenter myself before I entered the room to teach.

On that particular day what really hit me was how in these 15 minutes I did not want to face myself.  I'd have rather ignored it all. I was tired and at my limit and dealing with myself was ANNOYING!  It took acceptance to get past it all.  As I tried to ignore or deny that I was pissed the feeling just kept getting worse. But as soon as I looked at myself and admitted what I felt, it started to dissipate.

It got me thinking about how when we walk through our lives we may not know what will come up.  Coming into a yoga class (either as a teacher or as a student) we do not know what we are going to find. On the external level you do not know who will show up, how crowded or spacious the class will be, how the practice will unfold. On the physical level you may find that your "tried and true" postures feel different maybe because you fell and banged your knees or are feeling tired from your day. In the same way you might not realize how moving through some things physically might perk you up. But most of all, on the internal level you might not know what from your insides will rise up to ask for attention or healing or, celebration.

It takes acceptance and courage to face yourself. Some days your heart will sing and bubble with joy. Other days the ache inside will be too much to bear. And either may creep up on you. That night I was not prepared for feeling pissed, something had taken me by suprise and though I knew it would pass, I found myself impatient and more mad that it was happening right before I was heading in to teach.

I wanted to be somewhere else. I felt disjointed, my mind in one place, wishing, my body in another.  It made me remember when I was sick and how at that time I wanted to get away from me.  But healing only began when I stuck by myself and faced the way I felt in the moment.   That night, on my ride, I took a  second to check myself and remind my body that I was HERE and not THERE and I could either embrace the HERE, as pissed as it was, or feel disjointed for the rest of the night. I decided to just look at it, remembering how quickly I started to heal when I accepted Crohn's Colitis. And like magic, things started to melt.

Every day, every moment that we sit and wish things were different is a day that our body does not know how to live in the here and now. It's another day we are disjointed, dis-eased. And only in the here and now can we heal, can we experience health, wellness, peace of mind. Ease.

When you practice your craft whether it's yoga or meditation or roofing a house... anything that promotes your understanding of yourself, surely there are ways that will let you skirt around yourself, glancing from a safe distance at who you really are and how you really feel.  But most of the time when you come to a place of practice, there is no way to hide from yourself. It takes courage and acceptance of where you are. There is no practicing a posture the way you did yesterday because you are not yesterday. You are today, you are now. And with that sense of courage to take a look at yourself now, you continue your path to peace of mind, peace of body and wholeness in whichever form you seek. You give yourself the chance to be available to yourself, to unconditionally accept yourself, to be available to your present moment; the only place your truth and beauty can unfold.

Transforming Our Walls

by Stephanie F. Earls

This week I'm getting my bedroom walls painted. For years they have had old wallpaper and finally I have saved enough to hire pros to come in and rework the walls and ceiling. I'm excited about my room matching better with who I am now instead of who I was years ago.  Sometimes a little lift, a little something new to the external that surrounds us helps us feel lifted internally as well. A little like yoga.

Our bodies can be the walls of our soul and spirit. How do your walls feel? Are they tired? Outdated? Or, do they fit what they contain and reflect and express the inner life? How do you feel from the inside out?

Try this:  take a long breath in through the nose and long breath out through the mouth. Stand in mountain pose/tadasana, balanced on both feet.  Pull up from your root (pelvic floor) through your naval, let your collar bones move away from each other, opening your heart in the front. Keep shoulder blades relaxed, letting your heart open in the back too. Inhale and swing your arms around and up to reach for the sky.  Really reach! Breathe in and out. Keep space between your shoulders and ears but activate your arms as if they are reaching from the ground, through your feet, legs, center right up through your fingertips, to the sky. Lift your gaze to follow your hands. Uplifted eyes will uplift your heart and mind. Feel how just this simple way of using the body to stand and reach can affect you from the outside-in as much as from the inside-out.

During the transformation of my walls I have had the chance to pick a new backdrop for my room, a new canvas to reflect the growth and restoration in my life. In picking color I consulted with the pro about how color on a swatch translates to the bigger picture. I do not have enough experience or practice with paint to know what happens with color on a wall, against wood work, in sunlight etc.

In yoga knowing how the swatch translates to the wall is easy for me, but only because I have practiced.  I know exactly how color in tadasana/mountain (an open heart, relaxed shoulders, strong center, rooted feet) will translate to the bigger picture...it will mean open airways and better breathing so you can cultivate your life force....it will mean creating a strong foundation from which you can grow and explore more intricate physical postures: balancing, standing postures, inversions. Most of all it will mean most simply and most profoundly, changing the expression of the spirit through the body regardless of what you do or do not do with the rest of yoga asana. It will translate to repainting your walls to either let more color in or let some out, whichever you need right now. It will translate to practicing the present moment.

The knowledge I have has come from what I do, my experience. I explore yoga so I have information about how the practice translates to the body, mind and spirit as well as how the body, mind and spirit translate to my practice.  The painter paints. She knows because she does. She tries things out, sees color and gets information about how it looks in practice, in the light of day rather than just on a swatch or in mind.  And you know what you know because of your practice,  your day-in, day-out revisiting of whichever loves or hobbies or work or habits you spend your time and your mind cultivating.

Sometimes we all need a little input from a pro, whether it's color on a wall or how to link asana or how to fix a tail light.   But ultimately it comes down to our own practice: getting information, making a choice (even mistakes) and trying it out. Someone can show us and make suggestions and then it is up to us to find our way.

When it came down to choosing color for my walls, it was up to me. I had to figure out what I like, factor in the expertise I received and then choose: practice something that feels right for me. When I looked to the painter for the final word she just said, "I don't live here".  How simple but meaningful that sentence is. When we are sharing our knowledge with others and when we are learning for ourselves it really comes down to ourselves...who lives here? Who is the one that gets to live with the practice, the choices we make, the metaphoric and literal walls we surround ourselves and express ourselves with? When the job is done and the paint is on the wall or the posture is realized, we each on our own will be the only one "here" to enjoy it or not. What anyone else thinks becomes irrelevant because they do not live "here".

So ask yourself, in whichever practice or work or choice or love you practice: Who lives here? How do these walls suit you? How will the color you choose play out in your bigger picture? How do you feel?

Transformation happens through accepting where you are now. To find your answer, to transform: practice.

doorway to the divine

by Stephanie F. Earls

i sit at this doorway to the divine

and am invited in

taking pause with gratitude

i step, or swim, or float, or soar

i can not tell 

because i have melted into 

you and everything

it is in your presence i enter

and float and become one with you

i am light

it is in y/our energy

that i smile

and with your breath

i share in a love so pure

that i am humbled

and overflow with joy

this is god

this is everywhere

and when we sit together

and our breath becomes one

angels sing

because love

has brought what is separate

together

and as we breathe as one

the doorway widens

so all can fit through

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this love is growing

not shrinking

this is water

carving the canyon

there is no turning back

the doorway to the divine 

has welcomed us

now as we breathe

we ask

for capacity 

to hold

and share

and teach

and grow

i thought of you

by Stephanie F. Earls


it was sweet on the beach
late in the day
i thought of you

the water crispy and noisy
the sun warm and subtle
i think there was a storm coming in
the sky hazy
the wind non-stop and strong and warm
i thought of you

five different temperatures all at once
between water and air
my body the bridge from earth to heaven
i thought of you

and if you stood to the wind, and closed your eyes
which i did
it felt like flying
i spread my arms wide, to hold the wind while i floated against it
life inside me and all around
it was so wonderful


i thought of you

Trust

by Stephanie F. Earls

In the face of death, whatever form it takes (a relationship, your spirit, your inspiration, an illness, a career...) we begin to question. It is as if everything in our lives hits a brick wall, gets thrown up in the air, turned upside down, shuffled and we are forced to look at it all, bring it back in and figure out how it all fits.

It's been 13 days since my grandmother died. I stood by her side and watched one of the most miraculous things I have ever been witness to, her transcendence from one state of being to another, something so huge, so divine and so unexplainable I can hardly imagine that I actually witnessed it. And at the same time, I know I did, it's in my veins, it's in my breath, it's in my being. I have been changed. In letting me witness her "death", my grandmother opened me in a way I could not have imagined.

I realized how she chose her space, her place, her time. I see how she waited until each of her loved ones was exactly where they needed to be in relation to her.

Though I could not see her form with my eyes after she let go of the body, I have a knowledge of it in feeling which is unmistakable yet which I find hard to articulate and having turned to written word all my life, it has been so strange to feel blank over the last couple of weeks.

I am left with one word which it comes down to: trust.

I have opened this blog everyday hoping to share something and each day leaving it blank. Finally today I have just decided to say some of what's floating around and it comes down to these thoughts:

You live and you die. If you can breathe, you're alive, so be alive, trust. Sometimes we walk in our bodies dead. Now that I have seen a spirit vacate a body, I know dead,  and I know I'm not. And if you are reading this, neither are you. So, be alive...YOU ARE! And I am not just saying you are alive. I am saying you ARE. Just like those we love who have "died". They are. Their form is changed but they are. Trust.

The night I came home from sitting with my grandmother when she died I had a flashing memory of her rose bushes, which grew next to her house.  I remembered her explaining to me what thorns were and how they hurt if you are not present when you hold a stem, but how just a little awareness will keep you safe, just like the rose has grown it's own protection too. Each beautiful and pure and perfect thing has its protection built in. Trust.

As I remembered her roses it was late in the evening and very dark and my daughter was afraid to take our pup out on her own. I offered to go with her to gather wood to start a fire and also bring our trash up to the curb. These small tasks put me in my backyard (an unlikely place for me lately) going by my neglected and overgrown garden.

On this cold October night, a week after our first frost and with colored leaves sprinkled on the lawn,  I noticed a flash of hot pink and looked twice...and found two roses blooming on my rose bush, which had not bloomed all summer and then on this night had two bright, fresh buds. Decide for yourself, to me it's no accident. Just another reminder that there is more going on to take care of us than we realize. Trust.

So as I have been questioning my life in the face of death I began to see how my grandmother did all the things yoga teaches. She was present, she was aware, she took action, she trusted. She just did.

With her totally gone from her physical form and yet totally alive in her spirit, in my heart, I have looked at her life and see how she just was what she was. She did not talk or theorize about it, there was no fanfare, no championing. She simply walked her walk, everyday, and in the end everyone could see clearly her legacy of love, her legacy of practicality. There was no mystical secret to who she was or how she functioned, but she was complete and beautiful magic. Just like these impossibly blooming roses on a cold October night.

And finally, in the midst of my questioning my path, my mom brought home, from the shuffle of Bumma's personal belongings, four squares of paper. On them in her handwriting were four yoga postures and their benefits. As she wrote them: Tree pose, Spine Twist, Cat Stretch and Ragdoll. I did not know Bumma even knew what was yoga was. But as if the the gifts she's left were not enough, I have four squares of paper staring at me saying, keep going.

Trust.

My Grandmother

by Stephanie F. Earls

I stepped out for a walk this morning and saw the most beautiful and expansive angel wing of a cloud across the sky. It looked like the path to heaven.  Maybe my grandmother saw it too.

She was born on a 17 and died on a 17. She lived and died strong and with grace. With her final breaths, her eyes opened and a tear rolled down her cheek.  Her loved ones held her and let her know it was ok and that she's loved. My whole life I called her Bumma.

You always had a way of bringing people together on Sundays Bumma, how fitting that we came together today to see you off and feel your blessings.  Thank you for being my grandmother. Thank you for teaching me love. I love you.  love, steph

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

by Stephanie F. Earls

Something on another note, and a little shorter in honor of short attention spans ;).

My daughter asked me the other night what my favorite movie is. I have a short list, but without hesitation I told her, Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium.

She laughed and said, "no mom,... grown up movie"...and I thought for a second and answered again,
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium.

It's the best: a little about how to live, a little about how to die. A lot about spirit. A lot about faith. A lot about the magic and perfection we are: finding it (though we always have it), losing it (but we really can't lose it), finding people who'll see it in us and remind us, and sharing it. About being brave enough to keep asking your questions, open hearted enough to hear the answers.  A lot about love. And fun.

It'll warm you and inspire you, perfect for a fall day or night.  :)

"Your life is an occasion, rise to it." (Mr. Magorium)

the day you died and were born

by Stephanie F. Earls


Today my mom's mom is dying. She's been dying a slow death, set in by Alzheimer's but now her insides burst and her body will not likely hold up.  She started to slip away before our eyes years ago and one day I realized how much I missed her, though she stood before me.


But under the mess and fog of it all you could still see a sparkle in her eye if you caught her at the right moment.  I saw that today while she lay in the middle of living and dying and it reminded me of the current we each have, even while we think we are in the fog, or the dark even.  With a little surrender (or a good friend to remind you), you can connect.   Ask me on my darkest day and I'll probably cry and tell you (or tell myself) it's all for nothing. But when I surrender to the grace that is all around, I know better, I feel it.  I even saw it in my grandmother today.


Her name is Frances. My parents gave me her name for my middle name, something I'd once been embarrassed about. And today as she winked at me in the midst of a far stranger limbo than I have ever known I felt so proud that I share something as special as a name with her.  I hope somewhere in my life I will share the sparkle in her eye, too.


When I was much younger I went to visit her one weekend while in the middle of some big changes in my life. She greeted me and took me on the side, just us.  Looking into my eyes she held my hands. She looked deep into my eyes and asked if I was happy. It was all she cared about, that I was happy. She'd have given me her happiness if she could. Perhaps today I looked into her eyes for the last time, not sure what I would see. She has been partly gone so long. And like a gift from her sweetest and deepest truth, as I smiled at her, thinking of that day and how all we want is for the ones we love to be happy,  she winked at me and shared her sparkle. 


It was her eternal. 


Surely this was one of the greatest gifts I could have ever received, and never would have dreamed of receiving. 


As I held her hands, I looked at my grandfather. Both of us with tears in our eyes. They've been together over 60 years. They are the picture of partnership. They have the thing we all look at as the dream and wonder if we'll have, and wonder whether it's even real.  As tears welled up in his eyes he just said, "she sang to me every day, she told me, 'you are my life' and she kissed me. Everyday."


And he appreciated it.


I look at my grandparents who have lived it literally for better and for worse and with all the time they've shared, it is still too much to bear to let go of the dream.


It comes in many forms: sometimes as an old married couple, sometimes as a new family, sometimes as a friend who's brave enough to throw you a light even while you're in your cave, sometimes as a prayer, a smile, a sparkle in the eye or a wink, sometimes even as walking away or shedding a tear. But we all know on some level, while we're alive we're hoping...


In the words from one of my favorite movies, The Princess Bride: "whatcha got here, that's worth livin' for?"


... "true love."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




for those we've lost, for moments or lifetimes:




the day you died and were born
by Stephanie F. Earls


this day, that day
came slowly and quietly,
and fast and loud,
a thought sneaking up on me
all at once

it was rainy and sunny

cold and warm,

stormy and still

all at once

it was there, or here
not there, not here
i'm sure and not sure,
all at once

your light became bigger and smaller
a little bit closer and a little bit farther
all at once

you were here and not here

and i wanted to get to you

and i wanted to let you go

all at once

then you winked at me
and you were there, or here
and we had the sparkle
between us
that told me
i'm in your heart
and you're in mine

i grieved and celebrated
so long ago
and just now
all at once

Root and Grow: Tree Pose

by Stephanie F. Earls

Fall in New England is invariably linked to the changes in the trees. This week I sat under my favorite tree, an old elm.  The sky, rich blue was cloudless and the yellow leaves were rimmed with red. Looking up from my spot laying under the tree I saw the trunk and branches so strong and steady while the leaves though vibrant in color were audibly less lively, dry and crisper than they'd been all summer when they were supple and water soaked.

The contrast between the leaves against the sky from summer to autumn showed the changing life of the outer tree and at the same time, the trunk and branches stood as strong as always.  Its center was steady. The most superficial level has turned to leaf, to leave... but the trunk remains strong and steady, holding against the wind and rain and sun.

We can be like trees, letting our outer most self reach for growth and share, working with the outside to collect nutrients for us to grow and sharing our fruits. Nourishing us like sun might be books or friends or food. Whatever it is, we reach out and gather what we need, drawing it down into our center to nourish us, helping us set our roots a little deeper into our ground. And then with the changing seasons of our lives we inevitably feel the changes to our outer layer. We let what we have gathered transform us from the inside, and share it, then, letting go either when the time is right or the wind blows too hard, either way, letting go while being centered and rooted.

Trees are a beautiful and perfect metaphor for our bodies and our lives and keeping our center through it all. In yoga how perfect that tree is a balance posture that builds strength in our center and our foundation, a pose we can use to level and ground ourselves, while simultaneously reaching a growing. With a gentle approach we can welcome the sway of our tree, remembering that the beauty and strength of a tree is in its ability to weather change. The flexible and centered tree withstands because it has taken in strength and rooted into the earth. It is not so rigid that it bends and breaks, nor is it so flexible that it can not stand tall in the face of nature.

Practicing Tree:
If you are new to balancing postures, use the support of a wall or chair.
From mountain/tadasana, standing balanced on both feet, take a few long, slow, deep breaths. Find a point to gaze at on the floor or the wall across from you. When balancing a steady gaze and steady breath both help you find a steady stance.

Begin to shift your weight to the right foot so that the left foot becomes light even though it is still on the floor, and the right foot becomes more connected to the ground. Imagine you are growing tree roots out from the bottom of your right foot. Sometimes it is helpful to imagine that your foot has four corners and each corner is buttoned down and roots are growing, thick and rich from the bottom of your foot, into the earth.

Feel for your navel pulling in toward your spine.

As you feel balanced begin to come to the toes of the left foot and turn the left knee out, open so that the instep of your left foot can come to your ankle, lower leg or upper thigh. Take time here to find the spot on your right leg that best suits your tree today. Remember you are new today so the best you can, let go of any idea of what your tree was like yesterday or might be like next week. Just go with today.

Once you find a comfortable spot for your left foot (avoid putting the foot on the knee) imagine pressing the inner left foot and the right leg together. Pull in your navel center, imagining the navel moving toward the spine. If you are feeling balanced you can bring hands to heart center in "prayer", anjali mudra. Balance the pressure between your hands. Breathe here.

You can also raise and open your arms like branches of a tree, reaching and gathering in what you need. Breathe into your heart. Connect with a feeling of being grounded and steady in your lower body while being light and growing through your upper body. When you are grounded, you can grow.

Have fun! Play with the idea of being a tree just like you would if you were 8 years old. And if you sway, remember all strong trees sway in the wind. If you stumble and lose your balance remember this is the way you learn where you center is. Be kind to yourself.

Coming out of tree, gently let the left foot come back to the earth and shake out the right leg. As you're ready begin again on the other side.

be in love

by Stephanie F. Earls

be in love

be in love with love

it is the only 

is

it is the force that 

brings to life

anything that wants to live

or yearns for expression
and then lets it dissolve again

form and
formless

be in love

with the love that is coming

open wide 

and soak in the very throbbing pulse

of this gift

yes, it is scary to open and receive:

full receiving

is to surrender 

all of you

so surrender

leave worry and questioning 

leave worthlessness

shed the weight of judgement

they are dry skin 

off a snake

let you go.

open

and be in love

with love

let the wings of your butterfly

push through its wrap

your cocoon of safety

has finished

protecting you

and your love

has grown too big

for that space

let the brilliance of your wings

crack and shed the hold

now,...

grow
flow

give

be in love 

with love

soar

ignited
inspired
fueled
by love

let love run you

guide you

flow over, around

through you

there is no going around 

there is only going through

there is only being one with

love

so be in love 

with love

show your face

the days for hiding are done

you are safe here

for this force

knows nothing

but itself

love is now

love is present

love is the smile
that lights all

and all 

is 

one

so be in love

be in love

with love

Lullaby

by Stephanie F. Earls

for my kids, but really for us all:

In the Name of Love: A Lullaby Prayer 

In the name of Love

and all that's good,

let  the light in my heart

be all it could. 

May it shine so bright

for all to see,

from truth, the best

inside of me. 

Send my love

into the world

to all who need it,

boys and girls. 
 

Let us feel

a joy so pure,

to ease our minds,

to heal and cure; 

Bringing peace

to those in need,

bringing food

for hungry to feed. 

Building trust

in every  way

for all of us

to feel safe. 

Take my love

from inside out

and free the world

from any doubt; 

Because this love

is from the One

who created us,

from which we come. 

And all the joy

of love is Ours,

when we share

Our pure heart's power. 

And now before

I sleep tonight

thank you Love,

for my heart's light. 

Kierkegaard

"Hope becomes faith through love."

Energy and Technology

by Stephanie F. Earls

Today I listened to a bit of a fascinating conversation on NPR's On Pointe with Tom Ashbrook about new technology and how some of the innovations that are up and coming may help cut down on waste and spark new life into our economy.

Hearing about them sparked new life in me. It was fascinating to hear about ways that science is harnessing energy.

The segment I heard featured WiTricity CEO Eric Giler.

Giler talked about his company's innovations and how they are developing ways to transfer electricity wirelessly via "strong coupling" magnetic resonance.   His company's developments can save us from waste and mess in the form of batteries and wires and cords. (Disclaimer:  I am not a scientist so my translation may be weak). Basically I understood this (and their website is great at explaining it all, so go there if you are curious! http://www.witricity.com/index.html) to mean that by matching up the resonant frequency of two energies, our technology may in the very near future come to be charged completely wirelessly just by  matching the "vibe" (my own, very non-scientific word) of say, a light bulb or cell phone, to an energy source.  He explained how we live in magnetic fields (of the Earth) and explained the concepts by having us think of the way an opera singer can shatter a glass by hitting the right vibration, or a person on a swing can make the swing move if they swing their legs at the right frequency. Giler even explained how they are working on this technology for everything from computers to electric cars and described an image of driving our cars into our garages and parking them on mats with a magnetic field that resonates with the car to charge it. These advancements work without freaking out everything around them (other people, other devices etc) because the "vibes" are matched up with each other rather than just openly radiating out all over the place. So, instead of everything getting nuked, the energy goes to the thing which is matched to pick it up/charge it/be charged.

What struck me most was how the innovators of today are looking for ways to make our technology more like us. I got excited and hopeful for our future and the idea that we could and are developing ways to exist with our technology that are more intuitive and closer to natural resources.  While Giler talked about magnetic energy it got me thinking about how between people you can feel and see magnetic energy. We are generators, power sources. It is how the power of prayer or distance healing work. It is the glue that makes good partnerships. You can sense a pairing or grouping of people whose energy come together to spark new ideas, new life and innovation. It is happening at WiTricity (and many other companies), it happens in yoga classes, it happens in classrooms, between friends, even on blogs.  The radio show addressed the technological and material side of magnetic energy and left me in awe of how it is coming closer to how we live as people. Any of us can relate to sensing someone's "vibe" or "frequency". We all do this naturally, especially children, and will gravitate toward people who resonate or "charge" us, or move away from people or things that feel out of harmony with us.  When we find something or someone that resonates with us, creativity abounds and we come to life.

Giler discussed the notion of "strong coupling"...pairing up things with like vibrations to create a new, energizing vibration. This is similar to what we do when we explore anything that feeds us. We naturally pair together with practices, hobbies, friends, careers, music (etc) that are in harmony and give us a charge.  If we can get in touch with what resonates, what charges us, we have opportunities to become boundless, to heal, to create.

In thinking about energy in these two ways, the electricity side and the human energetic side, I had the thought, what if we could use the harmonic resonance between ourselves and others to generate new energy and life in such a way that we will fuel not just our healing, happiness and existence but maybe even our technology?  If we (well, you know, the science minded) can get a car and a mat to resonate with eachother and create a charge, perhaps we can use the positive charge between ourselves and the ones we love to fuel our lives in new ways too. Talk about natural resources! Maybe "beam me up, Scotty" just became a little less sci-fi.

Or, maybe the suggestion is over the top but so was the idea of a cell phone, or the internet at one point. So if technology is on this how far off could we be from the next step, translating our energy into energy?  I'm talking empowered, alive, aware, creative people in a new world energy. If we can conceive of energy between two people fueling things then certainly it becoming actual is a possibility too.

With these new developments and new ideas we're moving toward restoring ourselves, our mainstays and our well being.  These scientists are talking about enlivening our economy with new technology. Today they enlivened me.

Making Friends with the Body: Healing Dis-ease... (a bit about My Story)

by Stephanie F. Earls

I was asked recently by a student and friend who read my bio about the disease I mentioned healing. I shared with him some of my history with Crohn’s Colitis and a few related autoimmune issues.  There is so much to talk about in my path to healing but his question inspired me to share more with you about how yoga has functioned in my life to help me first cope with and then heal the physical, mental and emotional components of chronic illness.

For me there are several key components to healing. The first is realizing that you have your answer within you. The process is about coming to hear and trust your own voice or intuition. From there, commitment, a willingness to be with yourself, believing you can achieve your goal and then a bit of surrender are all helpful.

When we look at healing, we can see many layers to the path we are on. There are physical components, spiritual elements, emotional factors and surely an array of elements beyond our cognition. Yoga is a science that addresses all of our facets so we can heal on every level. 

On the physical level with Crohn’s, healing for me became about making friends with my body. 

When the body hurts, it’s like a little kid who feels ignored, crying out for attention.  Everything might be ok but the little kid really needs a hug and a reminder that you are there and they are ok. The body is the same. If we ignore it, it’ll act up saying, “hey, here I am, look at me! Look at me!”  The best thing you can do is stop, look, listen and give it a little love.  

Yoga helped me do that.

When I was sick with Crohn’s Colitis it was pain, depression and isolation.  It was hard to be social and get out of the house; everything I did revolved around knowing where bathrooms were located and trying to manage pain. Chronic stomach pains, the runs and hot flashes left me feeling irritable and uneasy. It was hard to drive, sometimes even to walk and on top of that I was taking care of young children.  Eating made me feel sick or go to the bathroom. I needed to nourish myself to get well but could not get a foothold to keep anything in my system. Even some of the medicines I tried made things worse.

Ironically feeling sick brought me into the present moment but the present moment did not feel good, so I tried to run from it.  At best I was making it through each moment rather than being in each moment.

Those days I was looking for a way to get OUT of my body. When I meditated I tried to let myself go away and find release in imagining serenity. I had a strong faith but my body made everything a living hell.  I was frustrated and confused about how I could know something in my heart (an idea of wellness) but have things be so disjointed physically and be worried mentally.

I knew this could not last for a few reasons. First, I had a sense of hope and connection to something greater that made me feel I was supposed to be alive even though my body seemed to be quitting.  Second, I had a yearning for unity, something better, within myself. Third, I had kids.

Just before I was diagnosed with Crohn’s, I started to teach myself yoga. 

Practicing yoga was one of the rare times since my dis-ease manifested that I felt like my body was getting back to being my friend.  I was learning yoga at home so on days that I was in pain or running to the bathroom, I could take care without worrying about what people thought if I kept leaving the room.  I got the message that yoga meets you where you're at so, I did what I could, when I could, for as long as I could. I gave myself permission to take it easy while I practiced. If my stomach was screaming at me while I held plank pose, I honored that and let myself come down to the floor into crocodile or cobra, or even rest back in child’s pose.

Yoga helped me to slow down and listen to my body.  If I took care,  the comfort of my belly pressed against the floor in crocodile or against my thighs in child felt stable and secure and fed a message to my mind through my physical body that translated into peace and calm.  It comforted me and  helped me face the present moment.

With yoga we are reminded to breathe into any places that feel tight or any place that calls for our attention. If you are stretching in pigeon and your hip is tight, you bring your attention and intention to that tightness and breathe into that spot. Gently, something begins to change and open.  I applied this same principle to the chronic pain of Crohn’s. If my stomach began to cramp I drew the breath to that spot, embracing the present moment rather than running from it.  Sure it was pain, but it was pain that I was willing to face.

Anytime we look ourselves, we have a chance to grow. In my case it was a chance to heal and transform from seeing my body as something adverse, to seeing it as a friend who was just trying to get my attention and talk to me. I slowed down and took the time to notice her. Was it always pretty? No, but it was the truth, something I could look at and cope with rather than running from and watching my back.

Physically yoga helps you get out of your mind and into your body and in doing that, magically helps your body get out of the way of your spirit. (More on that another day). For a Crohn’s patient, my mind sometimes worried about what would happen next because of how my body felt but I just did what yoga asked: sat in my body, and breathed. This gave my nervous system a chance to rest and let go and begin to do it's real job of healing. With commitment and surrender, change happened.  My body started to become my friend. 

Yoga asana is just one aspect of yoga philosophy, a framework with guidelines for living well that gives you tools for the body, mind and spirit.  Asana works with the physical and anything we do with the physical translates to the mental, the emotional, the spiritual, the energetic. As I made peace with the physical, the other components of myself began to fall into place.  The framework of yoga philosophy started to bloom in my whole self: my meditation practice solidified, my understanding of myself grew, my sense of compassion for myself and others, expanded. I healed.

When we set out to heal, whether it be an emotional wound or something that has manifested in our bodies,  (and those can be linked) the course can seem daunting, overwhelming and unclear. With a little courage, commitment, a bit of surrender and willingness to look at ourselves, we can see that the pain we are in is just the body’s way, perhaps on behalf of the spirit, of asking you to take care and give it a little love. And when we do, the whole universe opens up.

Choose the Miracle

A miracle is a change in our perception from fear, to love.
                         - A Course in Miracles


try it....

"I relinquish all grievances, resentments and regrets, and choose the miracle."

Our Tender Truth

by Stephanie F. Earls

Last week a young man jumped off a bridge to his death. That is a fact. It has been speculated that the death was prompted when his tender truth was aired in public. Since I did not know him, I do not know the reasons, but it got me (and the world) thinking about the effects of being in the fish bowl that this world can be.

This sort of tragedy happens everyday. People's personal, tender selves are aired out as spectacle. It might be famous athletes or politicians or neighbors...people whose lives are just like everyone else's until they come under the fire of judgement and scrutiny. They might succumb to a literal death or they might suffer a living death.  And for what?   Perhaps our deaths, whatever form they take, help burn us down to ashes so we can rebuild in better truth, but the scrutiny and judgement of it all is something else.  I suspect it serves sometimes just to distract ourselves from the work we really could be doing, on ourselves.

We all die a little each day when we live in fear of what we or others will think of our most tender truth.

Whether we like it or not, there are parts of each of us that we feel are too tender to show the world. They could be emotional or physical parts. They could be linked to our thoughts or our actions.  And if we get real we can feel how hard it would be on any of us, to have some of our most tender wounds or loves or regrets or insecurities, exploited.  Even our own self judgement can be too much to bear.

But we can transform.   As our tender truths come to the surface (our own, inner surface), they are just looking for acknowledgement that they are as much a part of us as the things we have already grown courageous enough to show. Loving yourself enough to see your truth and being kind to yourself about whatever it is, and extending that kindness to others is part of the path we are on. In opening ourselves to our wounds or loves or regrets this way, we can heal them and get to the depth of the real truth of us: that we are amazing, perfect and beautiful.

This is a key component of healing: accepting yourself. Totally.

It might sometimes be hard to look at ourselves but on the path to freedom and healing, we yearn (maybe it's just me) to live in a way that we can show ourselves more completely and more freely. We are striving to become so comfortable, understanding  and forgiving of ourselves that no matter what others think or say we will not lose sight of our worth.

Sometimes it is easier to see the worth in others, to feel more compassionate, forgiving and understanding of others.  We can see their fear or their love objectively.  If so, we can use that to access our own sense of self acceptance, turning our love for others inward.

Whether we work from accepting ourselves from the inside, out, or from accepting others and turning that from the outside, in (or a combination of both!) we take on the courageous task of becoming the light we are.

Part of yoga philosophy are the yamas and niyamas or, the restraints and observances, the "dos" and "don'ts". They are guidelines, suggestions for living to help you connect to yourself and others in a way that frees you.

The yamas and niyamas are help, they are a backbone, not judgement, and bring you deeper into self study.  They function to cultivate and support mental well being, a critical step in becoming well emotionally, sprititually, physically and energetically.  They are a practice for the mind, which is imperative as we practice with the body (asana) and breath (pranayama).  Through balancing our interconnected mind, breath and body, we can transform ourselves.  This transformation, this self study, is no light task but it is of light. It takes courage, patience and ultimately love.

For this reason I appreciate that the first yama or "do" is ahimsa. Ahimsa is often translated as non-violence or non-harming. Our words are powerful so, I like to call it kindness.  This yama gets to the heart of how we approach ourselves and others: being kind, compassionate and non-harming in thought, word or deed. Sometimes it is a challenge but it is the practice. And you do not even need to go to a yoga class to do it.

It is more than yoga, it's life.

If we extend our words, actions and thoughts from a place of kindness, willing to be gentle with ourselves and not hurt ourselves for what we see, we will become kinder, more compassionate to the outside world.

We will hear news of someone's tender truth being aired and feel the pain not just of their despair, but of our own, knowing we too have loves or wounds, regrets or insecurities so tender.  We will also feel compassion for those who could not see the effects of their cause before the effect manifested.

Every move we make, every action we take, every thought we have, every word we speak, somewhere underneath it all we are the same.  We want to love and be loved. We want to be accepted, to know we matter, and to share.

We can start with ourselves. It might be tough, but not tougher than us.

We can separate out the superficial details using judgement, or we can use ahimsa, kindness, and give ourselves and others the gentleness of our understanding. And if there is no understanding yet, just admitting that we do not understand can be kindness enough to begin to free our tender truths, continue our healing and open our hearts to our love.

Love

by Stephanie F. Earls

Welcome to Breathe Here Blog.

The end is in the beginning, I have heard…whether it is people we meet or places we go or books we read, if we look at the start we will understand the end even if we are not ready to see it.

If that is true, let me cut to the end here. I am a lover.  No matter how in my weak moments I may have tried to ditch love, or I wonder if it is trying to ditch me, it is the one thing that sticks with me, gives me hope, fuels me and is the only reason I can figure we exist at all anyway. It is the reason I keep getting out of bed each morning. It is the reason I practice yoga, it is the thing that I believe will light us up and bring us fully to life in this short chance we have in our bodies.

Have I lost you yet? Too lovey dovey? Well, hold your horses… I am not talking about any old love.  Not just kiss your boyfriend (or girlfriend) under a tree love, (though that is super, and a part of what I am talking about)… but big love. Huge, all encompassing, get you dirty, sometimes confusing, forgiving, love.

Think bigger…,  think universe. Think, or better yet, feel: breathing - creating - make a tree grow from the ground to the sky- keep you breathing - love.

And anything can fuel this love. For some it might be a romantic idea. For others it might be reading books that fire them up and give them purpose or focus. For others still it might be laughing with good friends, eating a fantastic meal, or even crying.  For some love is as simple as just realizing that the breath will work whether you do or not.

Love: light, truth, creative force.

Back to what I was saying: if the end is in the beginning take this as your warning that whatever I put here is going to come from love and my hope is to share with you how love functions in my life and how the breath leads us on our path so that we can learn and grow and share, from our hearts. This does not mean it's always pretty. But it is.

In the end who knows where we will go (not just in this blog, but in our being); through tears, through laughs, through scary, through beautiful. Surely we will go through the whole of everything and it'll all come back to love. 

So come with me on this ride through love, or just cut to the end and know that all it was meant to be was a huge hug, a smile and encouragement for peace of mind.

love, steph


That love is all there is, is all we know of love. ~ Emily Dickinson

Moving Forward: Circle or Straight Line?

by Stephanie F. Earls


I have been thinking a lot, and talked tonight in class about growth, moving forward and whether we go in circles or in straight lines.  My four year old marks his growth in a straight line, by how high his head is above the bathroom sink. My friend marks her growth in the straight line of a run measured in miles. 

At the same time life is full of circles, cycles and repetition: the moon, the seasons, the Earth revolving around the Sun, days of the week. 

Cognitively we might have the urge to measure success or growth as an idea of distance or height…we ask ourselves, how far have I come, where have I been, where am I now? And of course, where am I going? 

Amidst all of our asking we find ourselves coming up against what seem like the same things over and over again. On our mat we push into the same downward facing dog, the same child’s pose, the same tadasana/mountain.  And in life just like in yoga, we come up to feelings we thought we had resolved or challenges we thought we made our way through, until they reappear in a new form, asking us to look at ourselves again. Sometimes it feels like we are going around in circles.

Using yoga, we can start to witness the patterns in our lives and may see that indeed, like life, we do go in circles. But rather than going around and hitting our head against the same thing over and over again, if we look closer and with an open heart we will see and feel that as we circle around, our circle grows and when the “same” challenges or seemingly unresolved feelings come up again, we are coming to them as a new person, enriched from experience, more understanding, more curious, more open to heal and closer to our truth. In the repetition, we are being given a chance to recognize our growth and strengthen ourselves in the places that need practice. 

As we revolve, we evolve.

You are new today, you are more full and rich with experience, strength and understanding of yourself.  As you sink again into your Warrior 2 or practice your sun salutations, take a moment to connect to who you are today.  The framework of your asana may be the same, but you are not. Your circle has come around, expanded and grown. You are bringing something new to your mat and everything in your life. The best you can, let go of any idea in your head about who you were last time you practiced or who you will be tomorrow.  

As things come around, whether it be asana or emotions,  instead of being hard on yourself for “going around in circles”, thank yourself for coming around again to the challenge you face and use it as a time to recognize how you’ve grown and your newness and strengthen the parts of you that need strengthening so you can move forward, within your circle.  

This doesn’t mean it’ll necessarily be easier or comfortable right away, but as you recognize the steady constant around which you circle, you will begin to open and unfold. Each coming around will be easier, lighter, more empowering. 

As you focus on the center of your circle and let it be your anchor, your circle will begin to spiral, merging the energy of the straight line with the circle. You will bring your new self to what seems like the same old thing and breathe new life into the space you have created in your body, in your heart and in your mind. And from this focus and in your circle, your cycle, your revolution, you evolve.  You will surely see how far you have come, where you can go, how you have moved forward and most perfect of all: where you are now.