Making Friends with the Body: Healing Dis-ease... (a bit about My Story)

by Stephanie F. Earls

I was asked recently by a student and friend who read my bio about the disease I mentioned healing. I shared with him some of my history with Crohn’s Colitis and a few related autoimmune issues.  There is so much to talk about in my path to healing but his question inspired me to share more with you about how yoga has functioned in my life to help me first cope with and then heal the physical, mental and emotional components of chronic illness.

For me there are several key components to healing. The first is realizing that you have your answer within you. The process is about coming to hear and trust your own voice or intuition. From there, commitment, a willingness to be with yourself, believing you can achieve your goal and then a bit of surrender are all helpful.

When we look at healing, we can see many layers to the path we are on. There are physical components, spiritual elements, emotional factors and surely an array of elements beyond our cognition. Yoga is a science that addresses all of our facets so we can heal on every level. 

On the physical level with Crohn’s, healing for me became about making friends with my body. 

When the body hurts, it’s like a little kid who feels ignored, crying out for attention.  Everything might be ok but the little kid really needs a hug and a reminder that you are there and they are ok. The body is the same. If we ignore it, it’ll act up saying, “hey, here I am, look at me! Look at me!”  The best thing you can do is stop, look, listen and give it a little love.  

Yoga helped me do that.

When I was sick with Crohn’s Colitis it was pain, depression and isolation.  It was hard to be social and get out of the house; everything I did revolved around knowing where bathrooms were located and trying to manage pain. Chronic stomach pains, the runs and hot flashes left me feeling irritable and uneasy. It was hard to drive, sometimes even to walk and on top of that I was taking care of young children.  Eating made me feel sick or go to the bathroom. I needed to nourish myself to get well but could not get a foothold to keep anything in my system. Even some of the medicines I tried made things worse.

Ironically feeling sick brought me into the present moment but the present moment did not feel good, so I tried to run from it.  At best I was making it through each moment rather than being in each moment.

Those days I was looking for a way to get OUT of my body. When I meditated I tried to let myself go away and find release in imagining serenity. I had a strong faith but my body made everything a living hell.  I was frustrated and confused about how I could know something in my heart (an idea of wellness) but have things be so disjointed physically and be worried mentally.

I knew this could not last for a few reasons. First, I had a sense of hope and connection to something greater that made me feel I was supposed to be alive even though my body seemed to be quitting.  Second, I had a yearning for unity, something better, within myself. Third, I had kids.

Just before I was diagnosed with Crohn’s, I started to teach myself yoga. 

Practicing yoga was one of the rare times since my dis-ease manifested that I felt like my body was getting back to being my friend.  I was learning yoga at home so on days that I was in pain or running to the bathroom, I could take care without worrying about what people thought if I kept leaving the room.  I got the message that yoga meets you where you're at so, I did what I could, when I could, for as long as I could. I gave myself permission to take it easy while I practiced. If my stomach was screaming at me while I held plank pose, I honored that and let myself come down to the floor into crocodile or cobra, or even rest back in child’s pose.

Yoga helped me to slow down and listen to my body.  If I took care,  the comfort of my belly pressed against the floor in crocodile or against my thighs in child felt stable and secure and fed a message to my mind through my physical body that translated into peace and calm.  It comforted me and  helped me face the present moment.

With yoga we are reminded to breathe into any places that feel tight or any place that calls for our attention. If you are stretching in pigeon and your hip is tight, you bring your attention and intention to that tightness and breathe into that spot. Gently, something begins to change and open.  I applied this same principle to the chronic pain of Crohn’s. If my stomach began to cramp I drew the breath to that spot, embracing the present moment rather than running from it.  Sure it was pain, but it was pain that I was willing to face.

Anytime we look ourselves, we have a chance to grow. In my case it was a chance to heal and transform from seeing my body as something adverse, to seeing it as a friend who was just trying to get my attention and talk to me. I slowed down and took the time to notice her. Was it always pretty? No, but it was the truth, something I could look at and cope with rather than running from and watching my back.

Physically yoga helps you get out of your mind and into your body and in doing that, magically helps your body get out of the way of your spirit. (More on that another day). For a Crohn’s patient, my mind sometimes worried about what would happen next because of how my body felt but I just did what yoga asked: sat in my body, and breathed. This gave my nervous system a chance to rest and let go and begin to do it's real job of healing. With commitment and surrender, change happened.  My body started to become my friend. 

Yoga asana is just one aspect of yoga philosophy, a framework with guidelines for living well that gives you tools for the body, mind and spirit.  Asana works with the physical and anything we do with the physical translates to the mental, the emotional, the spiritual, the energetic. As I made peace with the physical, the other components of myself began to fall into place.  The framework of yoga philosophy started to bloom in my whole self: my meditation practice solidified, my understanding of myself grew, my sense of compassion for myself and others, expanded. I healed.

When we set out to heal, whether it be an emotional wound or something that has manifested in our bodies,  (and those can be linked) the course can seem daunting, overwhelming and unclear. With a little courage, commitment, a bit of surrender and willingness to look at ourselves, we can see that the pain we are in is just the body’s way, perhaps on behalf of the spirit, of asking you to take care and give it a little love. And when we do, the whole universe opens up.