Keeping Going: Solo Ventures and Shared Endeavors

by Stephanie F. Earls


What inspires us? What motivates us to do what we do, learn what we learn? What keeps us going? Is it our own internal drive? Divine intervention? Greed? Love? Fear? 

Call it what you will, at the root of any of these ideas there is a balance we seek between individual exploration and group creation.

I talked with a friend recently about these questions: Why teach?  Why continue to study? What motivates us to keep learning when we have the qualifications and established classes already? Why not just hunker down and practice in our own little world? 

It reminded me of a recent experience at Boston Common.  A few weeks ago I walked in the park. Despite the cold and drizzly day, spring had arrived and the park was magical: amazing trees with textured trunks and leaves, sparkling water, flowers in bloom, music in the air, ducks and swans milling about, and people. It was alive. I was alone. I paused on the bridge for a while to listen to a guitarist and soak in the sights and nourish myself. It was a sweet moment, appropriate for me alone that day and still, I left with the wish that I could have shared it.

When I returned home I shared what I could through words with my kids. Hearing about it lit them up. A couple of nights ago I returned with them, to the park, and we enjoyed the place and each other’s company. After a walk we played in the grass, each of us doing our own thing: cartwheels, sprints, jumping, relaxing.  I had the urge to do some yoga, but my body was tired and sore. I watched my kids flip and run, and the urge overwhelmed me and I decided to try a handstand or two.  As soon as I started to practice, our little group of four came together. My kids started to ask me questions about postures and wanted help getting into some.  They offered information they learned from friends on the playground about back bends. They were curious, excited and alive and it drew me out of my tired/sore self and livened me up.  It was a moment when though I thought I’d had enough yoga this week, the exchange gave it a whole new dimension. The park, yoga, became about more than just me, or any one of us and about all of us. What was inspired by my solo trip to the park became our trip to the park. My practice turned into our practice. The experience was elevated.

So while I ponder what motivates and inspires me, I realize there is a balance to find between solo ventures and shared endeavors. It is the reason the park was delightful alone and together. We get to know ourselves in different ways when we practice alone or get to share. They each inform our self study, our evolution: a self propelled (bigger than our self) desire paired with a quest to share, communicate, relate.  We are creative beings, a blend of autonomous individuals and communal creatures.

When I look at the teachers who inspire me it is clear that part of their self sustained spark brightens when they get to share their experience, knowledge, understanding, questions. And likewise they are only able to share because they take the time to nourish themselves in their own way.  There is learning that comes in solitude, a time to hear our own voice. There is learning that comes from the share, as each student or partner or teacher in our practice (life) holds a mirror up in a way that helps us see ourselves more clearly. 

So we find our balance, our solo venture and our shared endeavor.  We share because it completes our quest to create and inspire ourselves beyond a thought and into action. Once we've nourished ourselves, as teachers, friends, co-workers, parents, lovers, we have the chance to inspire and empower the people in our lives so that we can continue to inspire and empower ourselves. We do this best by sharing what we love, answering questions about it, showing it, learning more, going deeply into the well of the things that bring us to life and letting them saturate us so that we can nourish ourselves and the people around us.

The artist paints, the writer writes, the yogi practices, to answer the call of their soul first, to explore their solo venture. And they know each creation/art/calling, once shared, takes on a new dimension and ascends to a level of co-creation which far exceeds the potential that expression had on its own. It becomes a shared endeavor. This is the nature of expansion, of love, of true creation and I believe, one of the defining factors in what drives us as teachers, friends, parents, lovers, people.  

Listening to Yourself

by Stephanie F. Earls


In teaching yoga I often remind the yogis who practice with me that while I may be guiding them through postures, the goal of yoga is to turn in and tune in, to yourself.  Despite what is going on around them, I remind them to honor the teacher within, to back off if something does not feel right or go with it if it does.  That's yoga, and really, it's life. But for as often as we hear the words, and for those of us who teach, as often as we say them, sometimes it's easier said than done.  It takes practice.

I attend a lot of yoga classes, events, workshops. I am practiced in following my heart and finding things that work for me and yet, this weekend, in a workshop that was a total mismatch for me I came face to face with how some situations can still challenge us to trust ourselves.  In the first five minutes of this class I had a hunch it was not a fit. With some reluctance but keeping an open mind, I participated for an hour and a half, trying to convince myself to stay put and see it through. Why?? My ego piped up with all sorts of stories and questions about what it meant if I cut out, but push came to shove and I decided to do something I never do: pack up my mat and leave at the half way mark. 

For 10 minutes on my way out I argued with myself about whether I was dogging out or avoiding myself. I wondered if it "looked bad". I started to beat myself up for not totally loving this class, with a world traveled, respected yogi. I wondered what was wrong with me.

And then it hit me, for all the guidance I offer about honoring yourself, here I was second guessing my inner teacher.  It was a reality check about how hard it can be, even in seemingly simple situations, for us to honor ourselves when we find ourselves needing to go the other way.  This gets compounded when we come up against an authority in our field, family, faith or community.  There can be many factors that weigh on our decision, many voices, many ideas, some from outside but most in our own head.

Our own minds can do funny things, trying to keep us in our box when what it really comes down to is as simple as: is this working for me or, is this not working for me?  We are our own authority. We make the decision. There is no answering, There is no judgement. There is no right and no wrong. There is only realizing what works for us and what doesn't.  It might be a yoga posture, it might be a job, it might be a relationship, it might be a medicine. But it all comes down to ourselves and how we feel, what we want. 

This experience reminded me of how I felt years ago when I bumped up against similar internal challenges, sick with Crohn's Colitis.  In the care of compassionate, smart doctors, there was a time when I was afraid to say "no" to certain prescriptions or tests, figuring the doctors knew better than me, how I would heal. But when my health was not improving, and things did not feel right, I had to get brave, hear my inner voice and be willing to speak up about what was going on for me and how I wanted to pursue my healing. It was a challenge. "They" were the authority. The funny thing was, once I got strong and spoke to my doctors about how I wanted to heal, they were receptive and encouraging!  And beyond my doctors, my whole life started to change to support my healing. It was just up to me to decide what I wanted and act upon it.

As I was reminded this weekend, sometimes easier said than done, but once done, always better. Once we decide to follow our inner voice and what works for us, we feel free.  We get to practice. We get to know ourselves better. We get the support we need. We heal. We laugh. We love. We realize our dreams.

Read it: The War of Art

by Stephanie F. Earls

I recently reread a favorite book when I took it off my bookshelf to lend to a friend: Steven Pressfield's The War of Art.  A quick read, this book has powerful, energizing ideas to help you move through the thing that blocks you on your pursuits of creative endeavors of all kinds: resistance.

Whether your masterpiece is music, painting, a new job, changing your thoughts, healing yourself or the creation of your life the way you have dreamed (in any way), this book will strengthen your resolve and clarify your connection to your pursuit. It is grounded and inspired and will inspire you. Check it out.

Healing

by Stephanie F. Earls

Dear Friends,

I want to share with you something that has been really awesome for me and which I hope will inspire you to keep on with your hopes, dreams, wishes...whatever their size.

Lately I have been doing a lot of yoga (as you know) whether it be teaching or studying or playing. I have been able to see my body through to new places, places that always seemed like somewhere "those" people could go, but probably not me.

For 10 years I struggled to enjoy life,  weak and sick with Crohn's Colitis. Three years ago, having diarrhea 25 times a day (an underestimate if anything), bleeding from my intestines and finding little relief from medicine, I decided to go "balls to the wall" to heal myself.  I know that expression is not so eloquent (can women even use that?) but it's the truth. My back was against the wall,  I was tired of managing sickness and committed to heal.

About that time when I changed my mind, my mom gave me a cd set to listen to by Louise Hay.  Hay was talking about healing your life and though it struck me a bit corny, I had put my vision so steadfast on healing that anything that seemed remotely relevant got my attention. I decided that each day while I worked out on my dad's elliptical machine I would listen to the cds and try anything she suggested (because she had healed her life).

She had one exercise that struck me. She said if I really wanted to heal I had to be willing to change because my current patterns were not keeping me well. The exercise, which I still use from time to time, was to put your hand on your throat (a creative and expressive energy center), look in the mirror, into your own eyes and repeat three times, "I am willing to change."  I took her seriously and did the exercise, but wondered, what possibly could change in my life?  She warned...be ready, things will change.  I could not imagine.

Within six months my then 11 1/2 year marriage began to dissolve.  Within a year I was gathering lots of new information, learning how to take care of myself and my kids in a new way and how to share my skills.  I trained as a birth doula and started my certification to teach yoga.  Within a year and a half my health started to change and I began to carve a niche for myself professionally. Within two years I was divorced, teaching more and within two and a half years I settled into teaching,  advanced my healing work and launched my website.

Now, three years later, sparked at a recent yoga workshop (part of my 500hr yoga teacher training) I got the chance to see how far I've come.  At this workshop I saw my body through to some amazing places, postures I once only dreamed of attempting I was now expressing.  It was empowering, exciting, humbling. But most of all it was a gift, and not because of any fancy position I could put myself into, but because for 8 hours I could participate in a workshop. I could listen, observe, attempt, experience, fall, laugh, cry, share, attempt again, listen more, rest, absorb....have lunch and come back for more. And not once did I get up to have diarrhea or feel a stomach cramp or bleed, or experience any anxiety connected to living with chronic dis-ease. It stopped me in my tracks.  I started to see all the places I have been able to grow (teaching, road trips, lunch with friends, time at the beach, airplane rides, walking my dog....) without a care about dis-ease.

I am healthy, strong, vibrant. My stomach is at ease, no cramps, no panic, no hurried trips to the bathroom, no bleeding intestines.

My body has become my friend.  And, as much as I use my body and find new ways to express my spirit, my body has in a way become irrelevant. When I was sick, my whole life revolved around my bowels. Even if I put on a good face, every thought, every move, every trip, every bite, every bit of rest revolved around what my bowels were doing. Three years later they are not a thought. And the more strong and capable my body has become, the less I actually think about it, the less I plan around it,....the more I enjoy it.

This has been a gift for me which I am eternally grateful for and thank the stars, god and the people who have seen me through to this place.

But for all the support around me, it is a gift that I had to find in myself, being willing and committed and then, practicing, day in, day out. And I am not talking about yoga asana. I am talking about believing I could heal, being willing to change, believing I could live a better life, and keeping my thoughts committed to that venture.

Were there days in the last three years that I was not sure? Of course. But I kept my thoughts on my goal. And I remembered, I could at least change my thoughts in relation to my disease and at most, accept the encouragement of those who had faith in me when I felt unsure.

If you are trying to change something in your life or create a wish come true, whether it be your health or your state of mind or a situation, I hope you can read this and feel some strength, some resolve and some faith in yourself. You can do it. Just decide.  Once you decide everything you need around you to support your decision will appear, like magic. Some things may be in disguise but they will be there to strengthen you and show you your path. I know this. If you are doubtful, use my words, use the energy I write this with, to carry you through your doubt. I promise. You can heal, you can have what you want in life, you can create, you can enjoy.

Now don't take my word for it. Try it.

Love, Steph